You know those feels that everything is stacked against you, and you can’t seem to do anything right? When you follow all the steps, and pay attention to the most minute of details and still come up nil? And though how hard you try to please people, you can never win. And you feel lost. Scratch that, you don’t feel lost, you actually are. You think you know what you want, you think you want to fight for it, but you don’t actually know how to fight for what you think you want. Heck, you’re not even at all sure if what you think you want is what you actually want. I know that I may not be making much sense and this is all hypothetical (or is it?).
And then you cry it all out.
Or you think it’s all out.
And through your mascara-and-eyeliner stained panda eyes, you feel strong enough to walk to the fridge. Bust out that tub of ice cream you’ve been saving for special occasions and devour it whilst thinking how skinny you’re not. And then the downward spiral of self-depreciation begins again. Damn.
And when you’ve finished with the ice cream, think, for a second, how you don’t need anybody else. You don’t need to message your friend, or to call up someone. You are perfectly capable of comforting yourself. You are strong enough. All you need is yourself and some ice cream when the going gets tough.
Self-reliance is an admirable thing, but when do you know when being alone has already bordered isolation?